Necessary Mood Lift

I’m feeling really good at this particular moment, which is nice. I’ll savor it while I can.

Another semi-stressful night at work…although my boss was very encouraging, which helped calm me down a lot.

Anyway, I closed, and drove home/checked the mail. I got a letter from the college I’ve been attending, saying I’ve made the Dean’s List. Hence my feeling good.

I just had this immediate thought of, “I’m finally doing something right!”. I know I do a lot wrong, but I also know I do some things right…so that isn’t the only “right” thing I’ve done lately. But it’s had the most impact on me. I think because everything else I do “right”, it’s kind of expected. It’s the norm/really isn’t anything special. But upon reading this letter, it’s just something extra that I didn’t really expect. Honestly I didn’t even think about the Dean’s List, or any other awards I might have gotten lately. The surprise helped a lot, I think. It just feels really nice to have this accomplishment. I worked really hard these past few semesters, with not a ton to show from it. Now it’s changed.

So besides feeling that, I am also feeling a little bit of anger. I feel like I’m kind of being used, in some regards. I don’t really want to go into huge detail…just the feeling kind of sucks. I feel like a good part of my meaning to this person is certain things I have. I want to be enough on my own. I also want to be able to say no and not regret my decision.

All in all, it hasn’t been a terrible day. It is 12:42am, though, so bed is getting a little necessary. Until tomorrow. ❤

-May 27, 2017

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Those Siblings, Though

I’m pretty sure life will never cease to amaze me. Whether it be in a good way, or a bad way, unexpected things happen which change the course of everything.

This time, it’s a good thing. My brother did something for me over the weekend that was totally unexpected, and I’m just amazed at the goodness people have in their hearts. Like I have always said to everyone, having so many siblings in the best thing I could have ever asked for. They’ve always been there for me, always stood behind me, always caught me when I was falling, always loved me when I was convinced I was unlovable. One of my brothers was the first person to come when I had my bad overdose a few years back, when my mom wouldn’t come. I love having them in my life for all of the things I’ve said, all of the advice they’ve given me, and overall just the companionship of having someone there for you. I’ll never take it for granted.

Things at work kind of go from good to bad, depending on the day. Today really wasn’t so bad. I only have to work one more day, then I’m off Monday-Wednesday. Tuesday night is a concert my boyfriend is really looking forward to, so I am too. It’s his favorite band, and he’s excited to see all his friends/introduce me to them. I’m excited to sleep in a little bit. I’m pretty tired today. I open tomorrow, so at least the work day will go by semi-quickly.

Frappuccino happy hour is coming soon. I’m not looking forward to it. Sorry to all of you who really enjoy it- I know I did before I worked at Starbucks. But it’s a pain in the ass. Lol. At least the frappuccinos they have out this year are pretty good. One is the smores, which is my personal favorite frappuccino, and they’ve also got a mint mocha frappuccino. That’s actually pretty good as well.

I went to a vegetarian restaurant with my brother last night in Atlanta, and it was so good!! I really wish they had more of those further up where I am. It’s about a 45 minute drive to where he is, so not something I want to do every time I want to go out to eat. It’s hard to eat vegetarian sometimes at restaurants. There’s not many options, which kind of sucks. But overall, I have felt a lot better physically since I stopped eating meat. I don’t know if I mentioned this, but my therapist has been telling me about Eating For Your Blood Type (the book). It’s pretty accurate.

I think that’s about all I have to update on. Just going to have a relaxing night. I ordered take out and it’s time for Netflix.

-April 29, 2017

Thanksgiving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Here’s what I’m thankful for:

  • That I’m able to maintain recovery to the best of my ability these days. I have been out of treatment for a year and a few months, and it feels absolutely incredible.
  • My family. They are incredible. Whenever I need someone to talk to, or need advice, or need a laugh…they’re there for me. I don’t know where I’d be without their support.
  • My friends. I love them and appreciate them so much. They’re the best people in the world.
  • My boyfriend. He is so sweet, understanding, supportive, funny, fun to be around, loveable…you get the idea. He’s great. I’m lucky to have him in my life.
  • The fact that I’m able to go to school. As much as it sucks sometimes, and as hard as it is sometimes, I have the opportunity, and I am grateful for that.
  • My job. Starbucks has been simply amazing to me. My bosses have been so understanding, supportive, and encouraging. My coworkers have been some of the best people I’ve met. Their ability to make work fun and tolerable is incredible.
  • Music. I rock out to so many different things throughout the day…I don’t really know what I would do without the availability of so much music.
  • My apartment. We found a great apartment in a good part of town for a good price, which was super. It was beginning to feel like (for awhile) that we would never find one…and then this came along. And I love it.
  • Chocolate. Because if you don’t like chocolate, you’re lying.
  • My cat. I love her to death. She’s my snuggle buddy, even by force.
  • That I have people I’m able to spend holidays with. Some people don’t have that luxury.
  • You. I may not know you, reader, but you are a worthy person, loveable, necessary, and worth it.

Love you all, and Happy Thanksgiving!!