Another day goes by, and here we are.
Things have been stressful lately, but thankfully not every day has been panic-inducing. I haven’t had to take my anxiety PRN medication every single day, and that’s good for me (these days).
I feel like a lot of my anxiety occurs in the afternoon/evening/nighttime. Things just start getting into my head, I start obsessing, and there’s no turning back. I’m not entirely sure how to stop obsessing, but I’m trying to work on it.
I’ve been doing things that really aren’t healthy for me lately, like smoking weed and eating whatever shit I feel like. I weighed myself for the first time in forever the other day. Thankfully I wasn’t too shocked/upset by the number (it was kind of what I expected). I know that my body right now doesn’t gain weight very easily. However, I realize that I can’t live my life like this regardless. My diet isn’t very healthy or thought through, and I think I’d like to make more of an effort to make it better…or at least put some thought into it besides whatever I’m craving in that moment. To be clear, this is not ED-motivated. This is purely for the reason that I want to live a healthy lifestyle and eating healthfully is a part of that.
Smoking is something I’d like to stop also. Or at least not do as much. I’ve had a really bad cough for the past two weeks, and whether it’s from smoking or not, it’s hard to think it isn’t. I feel like shit all the time, and I’m tired, and I don’t like feeling like bingeing when I smoke. Smoking helps me sleep, but I’m also on medicine for sleep, so maybe I can try to make that work instead.
At the same time, I still wish I didn’t have to be on so much medication. The amount of pills I take is kind of ridiculous. I have tried semi-recently to come off of some medication, and it didn’t work out. My psychiatrist ended up increasing it back to where it was originally. Maybe one day I can at least come of something…
The craving to move out of Georgia is getting real. The summer heat is something I can’t stand. Wearing my hair in a bun every day and sweating my body weight by standing outside is not at all appealing. I hate it. I want fall, or cold, or something. Bleh.
I have two job interviews coming up this week, and I’m interested to see how they turn out. The first on Monday is actually with another coffee store, but a local shop (instead of a big corporation). I think that could be interesting. On Wednesday I have an interview with an answering service. The answering service one would just be taking phone calls and making appointments. Kind of boring, but also more predictable and reliable. Coffee shops aren’t always reliable for getting the hours you need. Case in point- I tried to transfer to a Starbucks closer to my house (so I could actually make money off being promoted). My boss had a talk with me, told me she would give me the hours I needed…and for the next two weeks I have less than 30 hours each week (which is not at ALL what I can afford living off of by working there). I hate that it’s becoming like this with Starbucks. I’ve always loved this company and what they stand for. I’ve had so much fun learning new things, growing with my stores, and being surrounded by generally awesome people. Starbucks is growing more and more into something I’m not recognizing. Something not appealing to me. Something not appealing to many baristas, actually. Still love you Starbucks, but we may need to part ways.
I have decided to change my major to early childhood education (for the time being). I’m going to go to my local community college again instead of Arizona State Online, because online classes are NOT meant for me. I miss Georgia Highlands, actually. They’re an incredible school. Sadly I can’t go there for much longer (since they only have an Associate’s degree for my major interests). I might as well go there while I can, though. I’ll be taking four classes in the fall, if everything goes as planned. I might have to be going to school Monday-Thursday, which I know will be a pain in the ass, but I need to do it. And I can’t figure out a class schedule that only has classes on two specific days, so here we are.
I have been exhausted every day lately, so I’m probably going to bed soon. It’s 9:18pm right now. But I’ve also been awake since 3:15am for work this morning. I think I should get to go to bed soon.
Peace and love ❤
-July 21, 2017