I’m really overwhelmed. I’m broke out of my mind, spending money from my school account (which I know I shouldn’t do but I have no choice). I don’t like living in a world that I can’t afford. I need a job that pays more but that seems to be impossible with my lack of experience. I hate that I dread going to work. I hate that my entire day off is spent knowing in the back of my head that it won’t last. Being away from there won’t last.
It’s not a terrible job. It has really good sides to it. But I’m so overwhelmed. I’m anxious. I don’t know.
I feel like I can’t complain…I’ve got a job, I’ve got an apartment, etc. It’s not as pretty as it looks, though. Things look wonderful on the outside and they’re not always that great. I worked my ass off in treatment. This is what I’ve always wanted. Then why do I feel like I need to get away?
I hate feeling this way.
-July 3, 2017