Vent

I’m losing focus of what the point is.

My depression is getting bad again.

I’m having suicidal thoughts.

I’m going to be fine. I’m not going to do anything. But the thoughts are brutal. My boss put all of my vacation hours onto my last check. The taxes they ended up taking out cost me the entire amount I got paid for the vacation hours. My next paycheck will have maybe 45 hours, if I’m lucky. That’s absolute SHIT. I can’t believe this is happening. I can hardly afford fucking rent. I can’t do anything anymore. Money is so tight I don’t even know how I’m getting by. I’m using financial aid like it’s no one’s business, and that is completely FUCKED UP because I can’t be doing that. That money is for SCHOOL. But I don’t have a choice. I don’t have enough money. I pay rent in a few days, and I’ll be left with nothing. My car is fucked up in several ways, and I need to get it checked tomorrow, but oh wait, I HAVE NO MONEY.

I don’t want to live like this. I literally don’t do anything anymore because I work so hard, I get paid nothing, my anxiety skyrockets, and I don’t have money to leave my apartment. I stay at home, I get depressed, and the depression makes complete sense.

Maybe it has been right all along. Clearly I’m an idiot, I can’t do this. WHAT IS THE POINT.

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One thought on “Vent

  1. Yeppers, I get it, I get it completely! I am glad that you at least have this blog so you can get all that out of your system. I also understand feeling like an idiot and wondering why bother. In fact, I recently wrote a similar post wondering why I ought to bother. However, you are not an idiot and neither am I. We have to just keep moving forward even if it is one step at a time. Hang in there… (((hugs)))

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