April 23, 2017

I really haven’t updated in awhile. I know I apologize and say this every time I post, so maybe I’ll just continue.

Things have been really hectic lately. Part of me doesn’t want to take summer classes, because I want a break. I want to be able to have a day off that’s actually a day off. I want to be able to come home from work and not work more. Just relax.

But I’m 24, and I’ll be 25 this year, and I’m not even done with my first two years of college. It’s wearing on me. I need to get this show on the road. I have to complete these classes. I’m taking two in the summer, and five in the fall. I know it’s going to be stressful as hell, but I can’t do anything else. I need to finish college. I need to do something else with my life. I’m stuck.

I’m not getting enough hours at work. I’m not making enough money to have a profit, and I’m slowly draining my bank account. I’m pretty sure at this rate, I’ll be living paycheck to paycheck again soon enough. The only reason I haven’t been is because of the money I got back from taxes. It’s hard for me, because I feel like work takes up so much of my life, yet I’m not really getting what I need back.

School is almost over for this semester. I basically have one week left of classes, then exams. My persuasive debate is tomorrow. I’m semi-prepared. I did the research, so hopefully it just flows.

I don’t really know how to describe this, but I’ve been having “symptoms”…and I’m not really sure what they’re from. This past week, I’ve been experiencing chest pain, dizziness, and nausea. I had my first migraine last Tuesday, which was ridiculously painful. The rest of the symptoms started after that. I’m not dehydrated, because I’m drinking enough water. I just don’t know what it is. I had to leave work early on Wednesday because I was throwing up in the back room. Which also was awful, because I still had to be there from 4:30-9am like that. When you’re the shift supervisor, and there’s only four of you, you really have slim shots at anyone being able to cover your shift.

For the next two weeks at work, I have a bunch of mid-shifts. I would honestly rather open or close, but I can’t complain because I really need the hours. It’s just hard because it takes up my entire day, which makes my depression worse. I feel like work is my life. Work and if I’m able to sleep.

My cat is back to crying all night, making it hard to sleep again even with the new medicine. It’s driving me crazy. I’m really tired right now, but my anxiety is also really bad, so I’m probably not going to be able to fall asleep anyway.

I just don’t know what to do. Some days are really good, and some are really bad.

I don’t know if I shared this before, but I started eating vegetarian. Technically pescetarian (since I eat seafood occasionally). It has been helping some with my energy, which might sound strange. But not eating meat gives me more energy.

I’m going to try to take a shower now and go to bed. Hopefully I can sleep.

-April 23, 2017

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4 thoughts on “April 23, 2017

    1. That does sound about right. I was thinking that it was possible it’s just the stress- considering if you google those symptoms otherwise, it comes up with “heart attack” and obviously that’s not the case. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Time management has helped me TREMENDOUSLY with stressful times like this. Not to imply that you are not already practicing time management–I’m sure you are, but every now and then we all could benefit from re-calibrating and prioritizing what is most important. *Recovery should come first, no questions asked.* That means making sure you get adequate sleep and proper meals. Then, in my experience, work schedules are more flexible than school, so perhaps find out what your class schedule is and then create your work schedule around that. Also, how many hours are you working per week, if you don’t mind me asking? I work 20 hrs/wk as a full-time student and it is very difficult. I believe the recommendation is 12-15 hrs/wk for a healthy work/school/life balance, but I know that isn’t always feasible. If you are working full-time and going to school full-time, that is a huge feat and I commend you for that! Maybe you could consider dropping down to a part-time student if possible–there is nothing wrong with taking a little longer to graduate. We’re all on separate paths and that is a good thing. It may even be better in the long run, as you will be able to focus better with a lighter class load. There are pros/cons to everything, and the decision is ultimately yours. Finally, when it comes to social life and other activities, make time for those because you do deserve them, but don’t be afraid to say no if something interferes with getting enough sleep/food/self-care time. The people who you really care about (and who really care about you) will understand. I hope this doesn’t feel like I’m telling you what to do or implying that you need to change anything at all, but these are just some things that may help! Feel free to take this advice or throw it out haha. Remember that recovery is a full-time job, too. Best wishes! xo

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    1. Thank you for your advice! I do appreciate when people respond to my posts. It makes me feel less alone in this. Unfortunately I do have to work 29 hours plus at work every week in order to afford rent/utilities. Honestly I need to be working more like 32 or more hours if I want to stop losing money.
      I do think I need to set my priorities before the coming semester. I feel a huge pressure to finish school as fast as possible, but I think that’s mostly or partly because everyone else I grew up with is done, even with their masters. I’ve hardly gotten much done with undergrad. There’s also the fact that working at Starbucks can be really stressful…and it’s been four years there. I love it, but it’s not what I want to do with my life. Any entry-level jobs I could get right now aren’t really what I want to do. I’m sticking with Starbucks because of how long I’ve been there, and the benefits they provide, as well as the comparison of salaries to other jobs I would be able to attain at my level.

      I just wish I had a magic “go away” button for the stress. I think I do need to be more proactive in finding efficient ways of coping that I know to do (instead of wondering what I can do to help).

      Liked by 1 person

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