I really haven’t updated in awhile. I know I apologize and say this every time I post, so maybe I’ll just continue.
Things have been really hectic lately. Part of me doesn’t want to take summer classes, because I want a break. I want to be able to have a day off that’s actually a day off. I want to be able to come home from work and not work more. Just relax.
But I’m 24, and I’ll be 25 this year, and I’m not even done with my first two years of college. It’s wearing on me. I need to get this show on the road. I have to complete these classes. I’m taking two in the summer, and five in the fall. I know it’s going to be stressful as hell, but I can’t do anything else. I need to finish college. I need to do something else with my life. I’m stuck.
I’m not getting enough hours at work. I’m not making enough money to have a profit, and I’m slowly draining my bank account. I’m pretty sure at this rate, I’ll be living paycheck to paycheck again soon enough. The only reason I haven’t been is because of the money I got back from taxes. It’s hard for me, because I feel like work takes up so much of my life, yet I’m not really getting what I need back.
School is almost over for this semester. I basically have one week left of classes, then exams. My persuasive debate is tomorrow. I’m semi-prepared. I did the research, so hopefully it just flows.
I don’t really know how to describe this, but I’ve been having “symptoms”…and I’m not really sure what they’re from. This past week, I’ve been experiencing chest pain, dizziness, and nausea. I had my first migraine last Tuesday, which was ridiculously painful. The rest of the symptoms started after that. I’m not dehydrated, because I’m drinking enough water. I just don’t know what it is. I had to leave work early on Wednesday because I was throwing up in the back room. Which also was awful, because I still had to be there from 4:30-9am like that. When you’re the shift supervisor, and there’s only four of you, you really have slim shots at anyone being able to cover your shift.
For the next two weeks at work, I have a bunch of mid-shifts. I would honestly rather open or close, but I can’t complain because I really need the hours. It’s just hard because it takes up my entire day, which makes my depression worse. I feel like work is my life. Work and if I’m able to sleep.
My cat is back to crying all night, making it hard to sleep again even with the new medicine. It’s driving me crazy. I’m really tired right now, but my anxiety is also really bad, so I’m probably not going to be able to fall asleep anyway.
I just don’t know what to do. Some days are really good, and some are really bad.
I don’t know if I shared this before, but I started eating vegetarian. Technically pescetarian (since I eat seafood occasionally). It has been helping some with my energy, which might sound strange. But not eating meat gives me more energy.
I’m going to try to take a shower now and go to bed. Hopefully I can sleep.
-April 23, 2017