That God Effect

Apparently I have angels protecting me.

I got into my fifth car accident yesterday (my second in a row with someone without insurance). I don’t understand why this keeps happening to me. None of the accidents have been my fault (although yesterday’s I feel partially to blame for).

I was trying to turn left (in a center turn lane)…the person to the left of me stops and waves me over, so I go. A guy came flying down the other lane, swerved to avoid hitting me and ended up hitting two other cars. One was a pregnant woman’s, and one was a couple’s. So we all turn into the parking lot I was originally trying to enter. Guy gets out of his car, starts crying and screaming at me (the screaming lasted a good while). I call 911, which by the way, it took them 30+ seconds to answer. 911 was ringing. Who even knew that was a thing?? How can 911 be ringing for that long without someone answering it?

Anyway. It took the police another 20-25 minutes to actually get there (which also was surprising to me). I was hysterical for awhile due to the guy screaming at me. He told me it was all my fault, his car was totaled, it was his only prized possession, he just got a job and now won’t be able to get to work, that he doesn’t have insurance and now he’s probably going to jail…just basically reminding me of what a piece of shit he thinks I am. Yes, I do feel some blame for this accident (since I was turning left), but at the same time, he shouldn’t have been going 50 in a 35, and he shouldn’t be driving without insurance.

The woman and the couple were talking to me for awhile. They weren’t really that upset, just thankful that everyone was okay/that nobody got hurt. One of the women told me that if he hadn’t swerved, his car would have t-boned mine and I could have gotten really hurt. She told me I had angels protecting me, and that actually made me cry even more.

It’s crazy to me…earlier in the day yesterday, I saw someone’s post on Facebook thanking God for not leaving them when they had left God several times. That had sparked my thought, but I didn’t carry on with the idea too much after that. But after the car accident…I don’t know. I’ve been in five accidents in the past four-ish years. I haven’t gotten hurt in any of them. If my car had been damaged in this accident, I could have potentially lost my car (since it’s considered totaled already from my last accident). Then I’d be spending thousands on a car (which I’m not fully capable of doing quite yet, financially). Sometimes I don’t understand why in each accident I’ve experienced, I have walked away perfectly fine (minus some anxiety/hysterics).

As I was thinking about this yesterday, it made me think of my dad. My dad bought me this car, which is part of the reason I’m hanging on to it for so long. Maybe he is my angel, watching me and protecting me. My dad always protected me as best he could. I believe he has been with me through each accident, making sure I’m okay.

As well as God. I am alive today, when there have been far too many reasons that I should be dead. I’ve nearly killed myself over and over, been in situations where I probably should have gotten more hurt than I did…but I am alive. I am perfectly fine. There has to be a reason for that. Luck, fate, whatever, should say otherwise. They all point to a much worse outlook. I think God has been there for me, even when I have abandoned him.

I don’t know where this thought/journey will take me, but I need to find a way to improve this relationship, whatever that may look like.

-March 22, 2017

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