I haven’t written in awhile. I’m sorry.
Life has been super stressful and jam-packed lately. I think that’s part of the reason I haven’t had time to update this. I started my new position at work (at my new store), and it’s been a lot more difficult than I thought, but for different reasons. I knew I was going to have a hard time adjusting, but…it’s just so stressful. I constantly feel like I’m on edge, looking over my shoulder, waiting…I can’t go into details, which is kind of unfortunate for my venting, but…I just have to deal with it. I will say though, that a big challenge and necessary step I need to take is growing a thicker skin. I can’t do my job effectively if I let these things get to me. I won’t last. That’s going to be a difficult feat, since I’ve been a very sensitive person my whole life. But like I said, necessary if I want to succeed.
School is still giving me anxiety as well. I did pass my zoology midterm (with a C), which for me means I will continue taking this class. I’ve come to terms with the fact that a C might be the best I can do in a science class. I’m looking forward next semester to taking another English class. I can at least thrive in that one. Hopefully I will have the same professor I had last semester as well. She is an awesome person and teacher.
I feel like I’ve had no social life since starting the new position. I hardly have gotten to see my boyfriend lately, which makes me really sad (and needy). I will admit that’s how I feel. Not what I’d like to portray, but I’m being honest.
I’ve had a hard time the past couple days with eating. I don’t know what changed, but I’m feeling constant hunger these days. I never feel satisfied. I’ve always been a restricter, and I wouldn’t consider my eating habits as bingeing…I’m honestly just starving. It’s making me have strong urges to go to the gym and work out, so that I can eat without feeling like a pig. I know if my body is this hungry, it needs the food (I guess)…but it’s so hard to eat this much. The problem with going to the gym is that I am beyond stressed and beyond exhausted every day from everything else I do. I think working out right now would increase my exhaustion. I’m still not sleeping well, and waking up constantly at night. I feel like a mess.
On the bright side, my old store was super incredibly amazing and all pitched in to get me a bearded dragon! They got me the starter kit and the bearded dragon, who I named Louie. He is super awesome. I really didn’t expect that kind of gift from them. They’re just the most amazing people I’ve ever worked with, and it makes me so sad that I won’t be working with them (unless something drastic changes). I’m estimating Louie to be about 2 months old, based on his size. It looks to be that he’s about 5-6 inches long. Bearded dragons can grow up to two feet, and live to about ten years old. I’m super excited for our journey together! I fed him strawberry pieces yesterday and he loved it 🙂
Other than that, I think that’s all I have for now. Just have to keep trucking along and hope things get easier and my anxiety lessens with time.
-March 11, 2017