School Affairs

My struggle with school seems to only be mounting.

I started wondering last night, what the point is of school (for me). I’m having an enormously difficult time. It’s causing so much anxiety that I don’t even know if it’s worth it. I know the popular answer to “is school worth it” is obviously yes, but…my question is, how do I reign in this anxiety over it?

It’s ruining my days. It’s disturbing my sleep. I lay there at night, just like last night, obsessing, fearful, and being harsh on myself. All I think about is the fact that I can’t remember the information being taught…that I’m not going to do well on the test next week because I’ve never done well on tests. Being older and in college is no exception to that fact. This test is worth 20% of my grade. If I don’t do well, I may have to withdraw from the class (or try to make it through with the possibility of failing). I failed math last semester for that very reason- tests.

I have tried to find help through my school. My therapist tried to help me with forms to have adaptations made for me (learning disability things). My school was ridiculously unhelpful, and I gave up after trying to do it myself (and failing to be able to figure it out).

Even if I do make it through this test, through this class, through undergrad…my degree will be in English. I have to go to graduate school and get something more than that. It’s never ending.

I want to be able to finish school. I want to have a degree.ย I know I want to have a family, and have kids, but I want to be an example to my kids. I want to have a degree, to be able to tell them I made it through college.

Just having a GED is not enough for me. But this anxiety is too overwhelming.

And I am stuck.

-March 2, 2017

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9 thoughts on “School Affairs

    1. Because school was never this difficult for me growing up. I worked hard, and I got good grades. Now I work hard, and that doesn’t seem to matter. I’m having issues with memorization right now (in general), but this is making tests extremely difficult. Testing seems to be a huge part of college. I just don’t know what else to do about it.

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      1. Its okay ๐Ÿ™‚ Life’s been jam packed lately. I’ve hardly had time to update on here, which is sad for me. Yes, testing has still been difficult, but I’m working through it. I’m trying different strategies and just using positive self talk about it. That’s about all I can do now.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Glad to hear you are taking some steps to try to make things easier on yourself. You will get there. Just think about how you will feel when you finish it all and look back at how much you achieved. Totally worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

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  1. good luck, i went through all this. now that im on the other side of it, none of it really mattered.

    learning matters. education can go **** a tree. some of my teachers were helpful and wonderful people. im still learning things, but its enjoyable again.

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      1. it will. school is like this: youre going somewhere you want to go, but theres always someone in the back seat trying to drive from back there.

        when youre out of school, its like hitting eject and watching school fly out of the roof. except for your boss, that is. your boss will be driving from the back seat after that. but at least youll have more bosses to choose from than schools. thats something to look forward to.

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