Things in therapy-land have been kind of rough lately. It’s frustrating for me, because I did start eating again, and I have gained back some of the weight I had lost. But apparently that’s not good enough. My therapist wants me to see a dietitian…I said no, and she said, “You know I can refuse to see you if you don’t comply, right?”. I just hate how I’m trying and, it’s not that it’s not being noticed, but it’s not enough…and there is no way for me to possibly do more right now. She wanted me to go back on the point/exchange system I had at Focus (treatment center)…but as I explained to her, that’s not something I can just do on my own. I wouldn’t know where to begin, or how to progress it, etc. That’s something I’d need a dietitian for. However, I am eating fine, so I don’t think it’s really that necessary. She weighed me even though I told her what I weighed that morning (when I did it myself). After she weighed me, she told me she’s now going to weigh me once a week. It’s just extremely defeating. Not to mention I despise being weighed in the middle of the day. It’s incorrect, and not really that helpful. And she won’t let me see the number, so there’s that. I have no idea what that stupid scale is saying.
I am tired of this stuff. I just want to be left alone.
Work is also giving me some anxiety lately. As I mentioned, my hours are being cut, and I can feel it pay-wise. I’m constantly on edge about having enough money for rent/bills. My new manager also hasn’t confirmed when my training begins, so I’m just hanging out in limbo until they figure it out. I just want more certainty.
All in all, I’m feeling defeated. I’m wondering what the point is in doing well and trying so hard, when it’s never enough. I want things to settle down. I hate this constant anxiety and stress.
And I’m really tired this morning, which doesn’t help. I have a full day of school and I’m not looking forward to it.
Sorry for the negativity. I’m just in a weird place.
-February 15, 2017