I haven’t updated in a bit. Things have been kind of crazy/busy.
With eating, I’m doing okay. I weighed myself for the first time in a bit the other day. It’s up, but not dramatically, so I’m okay. I was thinking though…it’s very interesting how I perceive my body so differently at any given moment. Body-image changes rapidly without the number changing much at all. I don’t understand how one day I feel okay in my body, and the next I feel fat again. I seem to feel worse body-image-wise when I’m eating “normally”. I suppose that’s expected. I don’t really know how to deal with it, though. People telling me how I look doesn’t help, and the mirror lies…so what’s left? Who knows.
I went to a concert on Saturday night. I had a bit of trauma symptoms, which haven’t really popped up in a bit. Someone mentioned PTSD in conversation, and for whatever reason, it just set me off. It wasn’t terrible, and I calmed down on my own…but I was having a bit of intrusive memories. It’s just hard to feel like that in public, because it’s not a great option to just breakdown right then and there. It was with a bunch of people I didn’t know, so I’m not about to let that anxiety show. Kind of sucks to have to try harder to reign it in. It’s more anxiety-provoking than anything.
I’ve been working a lot as well, but that’s nothing new. Hours are being cut once again at Starbucks, which means I’m eating into my tax return money (which isn’t something I wanted to do). I’m hoping I start training soon for my shift supervisor position, so that way I’d be making enough money for bills/rent/etc. I’m looking forward to that.
Otherwise, not much is going on. I’ve gotten into decorating my apartment. It’s really fun to be able to get furniture and hang up pictures. It feels a lot more homey. And it’s a lot less ugly.
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend is surprising me, I believe, because he won’t really tell me what we’re doing/where we’re going. He just says, “I have some ideas”. Works for me. He’s pretty good at that kind of stuff.
The rest of the week will just be the same- work, school, and hopefully some relaxation time. And hot yoga with my friends (which has been awesome, btw).
-February 13, 2017