Forward Movement

Things have changed, yet again. It’s kind of weird for me to think about. I don’t know how things changed…but they did.

I ended up talking to my boyfriend last week about the possibility of needing a higher level of care. I can’t explain why this conversation was different than others I’ve had with people…it just was. I felt extremely supported, loved, etc. It made a difference in my motivation and eating that day, which was carried over to now.

I’m eating a lot better than I have been. I stopped weighing myself every morning. I stopped intentionally trying to restrict.

And it’s weird to me how quickly that changed.

It kind of feels like a mood swing. I can’t find the words to explain it. I’m not taking it for granted, though. I’m really glad things are changing.

I couldn’t have gone anywhere positive with the behaviors I was using before. I was digging my own hole, deeper and deeper.

Eating again hasn’t come without it’s difficulties. My stomach still has a hard time tolerating more than a certain amount of food. I’ve been having intense nausea and stomach issues. It’s strange to be hungry, yet nauseous, at the same time. It’s not a very pleasant feeling.

But I’m doing what I can. I’m taking medicine to help with the nausea. I’m not giving up. If I give up again, I’ll have nothing again. I just have to do whatever I can do right now. And that is enough.

I just really hope this lasts.

-February 6, 2017


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