Emotion Without Reason

It’s like an ocean wave that’s too late to avoid. You turn around, see this big wave about to crash over you…and all you can do it throw your hands up to try to cover your face…which really does nothing, as the water suffocates you as you try to find air again.

I am feeling overly emotional for no good reason, in other words. It took me hours to fall asleep last night, even though I was emotional and exhausted all day. I cried on the floor at work. CRIED. In front of my coworkers, in front of customers…it was the most embarrassing thing I’ve experienced lately. I had to walk off the floor. When I got home, I tried so hard to fall asleep…and it wouldn’t happen. I was nauseous all day yesterday, but never got sick (which actually was worse, because I just wanted it over with).

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I woke up today feeling okay, but now (once again) I feel like a wreck. This day has hardly imposed anything on me…and I already want to curl up into a ball and cry.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!

This isn’t like me at all. Yes, I do get emotional and overwhelmed…when there is a reason. There is no reason right now. Like I’ve said, this day hasn’t done much of anything to me or for me.

I wish I knew what to do, or why this is happening so I could fix it. I can’t fix it. I don’t know what will help me. When I get this emotional, I like to be alone…and I am alone right now, but that’s not helping.

I’m frustrating. I frustrate myself often. This tops the list of frustrating traits.

And I wish I knew the answer.

-December 17, 2016

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