One day blends into another, and I am still here. I wonder how yesterday became today, and soon enough tomorrow is now. I dread working for the sole reason of faking my “okay-ness”, and they see right through me. I feel comfort from the silence of my apartment, my comforter caressing me to sleep. When I can, that is. I desire the energy that a “normal” person has, yet what sleep I gain does not quench that thirst. I wonder why things are the way they are. I don’t know how to change much of it.
I swallow these pills in attempt to feel some relief. I don’t know whether they’ll work, but we hope they will. Are they helping, or is it just me? Are they failing, or is it just me?
I lose myself in the poetry of the greats, wishing I could explain myself like them. Explain the words my heart can’t speak.
I want to get my point across, to tell people exactly what I’m feeling, and how those feelings feel in my body. Our language lacks the words, and similes don’t do the trick.
I am exaggerating, or lying, or both. I’m crazy, I’m obnoxious, or both.
But what I know for sure, is that this heart can’t take much more.
-November 29, 2016