Question #36

Question: What’s the difference between living and being alive?

Answer: I know that for myself, since I lived the difference for a long time.

When I was in the midst of my eating disorder, I was not alive. I was living, but I was not alive. I was a slave to the disorder. I acted on false beliefs. I didn’t act when I should have. I took measures to end my life repeatedly. I hurt others as a result. I spent the majority of my time in treatment, doing whatever they told me to do (or not). I had no goals (besides the disordered ones). I didn’t take any actions to move myself forward. I was stuck.

And that is not being alive. That is existing.

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