Ponder Question #3

Question to Ponder: If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

There’s several things I would like to change in this world, so narrowing it back down to one is a difficult task. After thinking about it, though, I think I would want that one thing to be dying for, what I will categorize as, “no good reason”. Specifically in my life, this has been cancer. I broaden that concept to other things, though, such as car accidents, deadly health-related incidents that aren’t foreseeable, etc.

I hate cancer. I hate the concept, I hate the process, I hate everything about it. Yet, it kills people every day. It kills multiple people a day. There’s so many different kinds of cancer that it seems more likely that you’ll develop one than go through life avoiding it.

It’s personally relevant to me because my dad died of pancreatic cancer when I was 16 years old. He was almost 69 at the time. His sister died from pancreatic cancer as well (I never met her). It was the worst experience I’ve ever had in my life, possibly even worse than the abuse. I knew my dad was going to die. There’s a very low chance of survival with this one. I watched him whither away. I had to say goodbye, which I remember clearly. He couldn’t even speak back when I said goodbye. He cried and squeezed my hand. I watched my dad’s last breath. I have those images burned into my eyes and memory like nothing else.

But I also think about his pain, and not just my own. Being told you’re going to die? That you only have so much longer to live? What can you even do with a small time period like that? And living, knowing your time is coming soon…it must be so difficult.

And thus, I don’t understand it. It’s emotional, traumatic, and changes lives forever. There still isn’t a cure, and it still reeks havoc on families and people’s lives.

Yes, finding a cure one day may be exciting. It may bring more relief and hope into the world. But for me, this death was unnecessary. Maybe the concept of “good” can come up from death…but there is good without these deaths too.

I don’t like experiencing loved ones dying. Who does, really. So that is what I would change about the world.

-Tuesday October 4, 2016

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